Movie Review: Sex and The City 2

Suuuuuuuuucktastic! To be fair, I took a little nap in the middle. Not for long: I saw about 130 of the 146 minutes of this supa-dupa-long movie. But that's enough to form an opinion.

One big plus, which actually had nothing to do with the film itself, was that Charity, Lynley, and I got free admission, since the lovely new San Antonio Alamo Draft House is one of Charity's accounts as a wine rep.

We did a little mocking during the movie, mainly because it couldn't be avoided. It did taste a bit sour coming out of our mouths, because we all loved the series, found the first movie satisfying, and really hoped that this one wouldn't be as crappy as everyone was saying. Nevertheless... it was.

I read this review beforehand, and kept laughing the whole time remembering what it said. I thought she was kidding about the cupcakes, magic carpets, yams and vagina vitamins, but sadly, she wasn't.

Today, 7.5 months pregnant Charity and I discussed how effing weak Charlotte and Miranda are as the mothers in this movie, as I tried to relay the aforementioned review to her. They're griping about how they have to take care of their kids, and I "couldn't help but wonder": How hard is it to raise a kid or two? (Very.) But how hard is it to raise a kid or two when you have full-time help like Magda or Erin-Go-Braless? Well, considering that you're allowed to hand off your child any time you want, it can't be hard at all. You're the babysitter.

Just so I'm not being a total pisser, allow me to point out the movie's high points. There were some...it's hard not to have ANYTHING worth watching in 146 minutes, after all.

a) Stanford and Anthony's out-freakin'-standing wedding at the beginning. Forget the fact that it had no place in the plot... well, nevermind, because there wasn't a plot. And please, baby, please: forget the fact that this marriage was entirely implausible given the previously laid storyline of them hating each other, and was clearly born of some writer's personal vendetta to pair them off. It had no place in the movie, because it was completely auxilary. Regardless, it was awesome. Life Lesson #4,392: Swans, glittery top hats, a gay men's chorus, and Mr. Big's rampant homophobia makes for one fine evening.

b) LIZA FREAKIN' MINELLI did some amazing dancing to "Single Ladies"--the exact Beyonce routine, also at the wedding. It's like watching something from forty years ago, because I can't believe she can still move like that after seeing her as a very convincing, vertigo-stricken Lucille II in Arrested Development. Seeing her dance was well worth the $10 I did (not) pay to see the movie.

Sorry, that's about it. I'm sure there were other high points, but I also had a massive migraine last night, and was pretty loopy on some Imitrex at the time of viewing.

Not convinced? Here are more lackluster reviews.