Even Cuter Than the Plumpy'nut Kid

[sic]

This was a lovely status update on Facebook. I doubt this person reads my blog, but if she does, well... oh well.

"Hybrid cars may lower fule emissions and smog, but the people driving them are so arragont and full of themselfs, that the people create 100x more SMUG"
-Ranger Friendly of South Park

Put that on a teabagger poster.

(And here. I didn't know what it meant for a long time, because, contrary to popular belief, NPR doesn't teach you quite everything.)

Another Film Review: Surrogate

This movie is so horrible that I am in physical agony. If I had a can of paint, I'd open it and watch it dry.

Remember, kids: Redbox may only be a dollar, but you can't buy back your time.

Put On Your Bobby Socks, Baby...One Last Time

Dan Seals, apparently, is dead. I learned this while watching the Grammys, on their reel of this year's performers who passed away. I'm really glad they left MJ out of that, because he already got a 3D tribute, for crying out loud, and I bet (at least most of) the other people didn't sort-of-maybe-probably touch some kiddies.

Back to Mr. Seals. He sang one of my early childhood favorites, "Bop". It evokes memories of Twitty's Restaurant (as in Conway Twitty) near the lake in East Texas. There is probably a tape of me singing this song somewhere at my parents' house, as there are of several Michael Jackson songs.

Until this tape is discovered, here's one of the BEST music videos of all time. (So suck on that, Kanye!)

Reason #4,397 Why Kate is a Good Writing Teacher

Wow, I'm so active today! Three posts in one day. You're so welcome.

This is a little story about Kate (not her real name), my coworker, and Sawyer (not his real name), her classmate. (The names have been changed in honor of the coming week's big event--the final season premiere of Lost!) Kate's stories, at least when she tells them, are way better than TV. I only wish I had her on video telling it, because you'd wet your pants instead of being only mildly amused.

Kate's in graduate school earning a counseling degree, and she took a class last semester called Group Therapy. Basically, the students learned how to facilitate group therapy by participating in a "group therapy" of their own.

After the group members had begun to bring up topics early on, such as the death of close family members, the professor commented that he hadn't expected such serious and personal issues to be discussed so quickly. So Sawyer apparently decided to take it to the next level.

Sawyer informed the group that he had a rather complicated and unusual personal life. He shared that he is a "poly"--that is, he and his legal wife are married not to just another woman, but another couple. Big Love + swingers, and then some. Not surprisingly, he's also bisexual. Perhaps polyamory demands it. And last but not least, he's a masochist.

So the professor and the group sit in silence while Sawyer spills his innermost secrets, and when it comes to a close, the professor chooses to ask quiet, sweet Kate her thoughts about all this.

"Well. In my fourth grade writing class, we've been learning about metaphors. And you know what Sawyer reminds me of? A tree. And that's because he's got a trunk, and he's branching out all over the place."

I think that was the end of class that night. Get 'em, Kate.

Plumpy'nut

Visit my cooking blog to learn more about Plumpy'nut... and stop your giggling!

Too Hungry for Humping

Lt. Governor Andre Bauer, of the great state of South Carolina, regarding school lunches and other forms of government assistance:

Oh, come on...I'm pretty sure Jesus would say the same thing.

Financial Ruin

So, I just spent about two and a half, maybe three, hours fooling around on the computer under the guise of paying bills. I did pay my bills, which only entails writing down a bunch of crap in the check register since they are all paid automatically, but it took me so long because I am very... easily... distracted. Not only did I waste a lot of time, I made a stupid mistake that puts me in the red until Tuesday when I get paid for tutoring!

Mom and Dad, I'd like to thank you for sending me to college, and then to graduate school. You can see it was money well spent.

While I'm at it, I'd like to thank you, RRISD, for hiring me to teach math. The children are in good hands.

Thank you.



*Added ten minutes later:

Wait, it gets better: dumb as I was before, I just discovered I made another mistake, but this one was in my favor. I'm back in black and all is well... except I'm still not fit to have a diploma or teach kids.

What Not to Do

Shannon, Megan, and I went out in Austin last night to celebrate the completion of a big project and presentation for Shannon's grad school class. We had a great time, but we met some real characters. Luckily, we quickly realized that these encounters needed to be documented, so Shannon got out her camera.

Apparently, it was St. Patrick's Day last night.

Creepster in Action: He's unafraid of Megan's wedding ring, or by the words "go away".

This was Creepster. Creepster, we quickly noticed, had been enjoying much more than cocktails before he went out last night, and it showed. Subtlety was lost on this man, and Teacher Voices had to be put into action to get Creepster to get the overtly stated message that he needed to go.

Paperclip and my "I believe you" face.

This was Paperclip. Paperclip was a friendly and good-looking guy, but apparently has watched Romy and Michele's High School Reunion one too many times, because he insisted that he was a paperclip designer for Staples, whose greatest career achievement to date was the design of a race car-shaped paperclip. I asked him to draw it, and he said he could only bend it from a piece of metal, and that a computer would take it from there. Anyway, he simply would not admit otherwise. (Remember, gentlemen... "I'm unemployed" doesn't sound as bad as an obvious fat lie.)

I guess this is who Keeps Austin Weird!

Problem Is, I'm Too Damn Old to Shop There

Now I see these as hoochie clothes. When did I get old? Depressing.