In the months following the election and inauguration of the socialist Barack Obama, it's come to my attention that you're once again looking for a leader. Not just any leader, either, but one who can lead the charge against silly ideas like, well, you know, socialism and not having capitalism and individual liberties, and stuff like that. You get the idea. John McCain may have been "respectable", "eloquent", "educated", and a "Vietnam war hero", but he let the election slip through our fingers, and into the hands of the evil socialists. I'm here to take the country back.
There are so many people--white people, even, mind you--using drugs, that what we need is someone to find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them, and send them up the river. Yeah, I know I had a little brush with the law a few years ago, but hey, big deal. So I took a few dozen bottles of OxyContin, prescribed to me by a few different doctors. I can afford prescription medicine, so I'll take prescription medicine. Get off my back and go get those hoodlums huffing paint in the park.
Let me tell you this: if Obama gets his way--and I'll see to it that he won't--the new socialist government will be running medicine soon, and then it'll be damn near impossible to get your hands on an OxyContin because poor people will start getting the crazy idea that they deserve to see a doctor for their strep throat, and the waiting rooms will be full of more Mexicans and what not than you can shake a stick at.
Another thing that gets stuck in my craw is those Feminazis. I'm sure you can agree with me when I say that it's high time that ugly women with pit hair get back in the kitchen and shut up. Sarah Palin was hot and all, don't get me wrong, but the Oval Office ain't no place for a lady, unless she's bringing in a sandwich! (LOL!) I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love the women's movement... especially when I'm walking behind it.
Speaking of blabbermouth Feminazis, let's talk about freedom of speech. I say that freedom of speech should only apply if you have something nice to say, otherwise, don't say anything at all. You want to speak out against this country? I say, kick em' out. These liberals have the idea that if they don't like something, they can just bellyache about it and point out to everybody where they don't agree, or something's "unconstitutional", or other such boo-hooing. I say, if you don't like it, we'll show you the door. Amsterdam is ready when you are.
If you're worried that I'm too abrasive or offensive to be the face of the Republican party, I want you to stop worrying. I'm just a harmless, lovable little fuzzball. That little Jewish ballerina Rahm Emanuel thinks he's so funny, making fun of me, but Americans need a real man that they can stand behind. If I occasionally stretch the truth or make idle threats that I'd never actually be able to carry out, big deal. It's the talk that counts, my friends, and baby, I've got the talk.
Sincerely,
Rush Limbaugh
1 comment:
Only in a perfect world would the spokesman for the opposing party be an obese drug addict.
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