The Staten Island Spectacular

Love to my mother for sending me these amazing photos (and most of the captions):


This shot was taken on spiky hair and striped shirt day. Somebody needs to tell Spiky at bottom right to 'pop his collar'. He ain't fittin' in. Notice the lack of available/interested girls. 'Nuff said.



Not all Ginos are skinny. Some are steroid-enhanced rage-a-holics who will tear your brain out of your nose for looking at their girlfriends. They too are fans of spray tan, and believe that the words 'say cheese' really mean 'glare at me fiercely, and try to give me cancer with your eyes'.



Sylvester Stallone's ugly cousin bumped into our favorite blonde and He-Man Gino, and brought his Gino-Emo (Gimo?) buddy along for a picture. Now He-Man doesn't have to be the only guy in the photo with a decidedly homosexual shirt on. Somebody needs to find and rescue this poor girl.



There were so many pictures of this guy that I decided to make them into one handsome montage.

Clockwise from top left:
1)Collars - popped. Hair - mad spiked. Eyebrows - plucked
to perfection. Lips - Pouty and pink. Head- cocked to near-perfect 65 degree angle.
2) An I-talian tic-tac-toe.
3) This is a rare shot of a young Gino prior to his first steroid injection. Notice the soft coif of hair just waiting to be sharpened into lethal spikes, the pert and pouty lips, the bronzing of the skin, the twin cubic zirconias in each ear, the neck pendant, the pack of Marlboros. This is a blue chip Gino prospect, people. He'll one day command a vast army of Gino warriors into battle. Coincidentally, this is also what most prison bitches look like.
4) If only this car would back up. Quickly.
5) Nothing makes a Gino look cooler than a bottle of Grey Goose, yo. Except for maybe some spiky hair, a spray tan, a big watch, a pendant, a pouty stare, and a wrist strap that says 'this is an all-ages party, but I'm one of only 12 people here that can drink legally'.


One last look at The Master:

Honestly, I couldn't STAGE a better young-Gino pic! Hair is super spiked! Pout is in full-on GO mode, and the bronzer has been judiciously applied. Notice the gold chains in full view, and the fact that pretty boy doesn't need to bother with such trifling social constructs as 'shirts'.

Closer inspection will reveal sunglasses tucked in the right pocket (most likely Chanel or Armani), as well as a 'wad' of greasy bills in his left hand. Assuredly, neither prop is there by happenstance. As in: "Eh Franco, waitaminute.. take another picture Franco, but dis time lemme get a wad of freakin' bills in my hand, and I wanna make sure my shades and medallions are visible. Should I unzip furda? Furda? Maybe even a l'il furda?"

What's in the bags you ask? Why, jumpsuits, of course!



Ok, once you get over laughing at the human jack-o-lantern on the left and Young Dracula in the middle, take a look at buddy boy on the right. He's thinking- 'Damn, I'm so pale. I wonder if I can get down with some o' dat spray tan - and get the girls to chase after ME for a change?'

You may notice in the corner of this picture that it was initially hosted in Hungary. I've never seen anybody that color in Hungary, but Dracula, naturally, came over from Romania, while the guy on the right has "Ukraine" written all over him. And FYI, Ukraine is to Eastern Europe as Staten Island is to New York (or Bridge City is to Southeast Texas, whichever you prefer).

And is that Kenny Rogers on his shirt?



Boo-yah! Now that's what I'm talkin' about. L'il dude even got a l'il bling on, too. Go git 'em, son.



*If you like these, take a look at my Olan Mills Hall of Fame post from January.