Read HERE to prevent losing two hours of your life.

I didn't see every single movie that came out in 2006, but I can still safely say that one of the year's biggest crapfests was "The Wicker Man" starring Nicholas Cage. It's actually a remake, though I cannot imagine what facet of this story could prompt somebody to think that audiences should be subjected to it even once, let alone twice.

Luckily, I was on an airplane when I saw this movie, so I didn't fully lose the two hours, although I would have slept or watched "You, Me, and Dupree" again if I had known how bad it was going to be.

The movie masquerades as a thriller, but it's actually not thrilling at all. Nicholas Cage is a California cop contacted by his ex-fiancé (who ran off on him) to come to Summersisle, an island off the Washington coast led and inhabited by women, to help her find her kidnapped daughter. When you first see the woman, you might think she's much too beautiful for Nicholas Cage. But then she starts talking. Slow....ly. And she's very ambiguous with him, not really telling him why the hell he came all the way from California. Finally, it comes out that the daughter is his.

By the way, the island's run and inhabited entirely by women, save for the few men they keep around for workhorse/stud purposes. They're all beaten-down, sullen men who are basically afraid to speak.

Someone tried to drown poor Nicholas Cage, and no one will help him with his investigation. He gets in a fight with that actress no one's seen in ten years, LeeLee Sobieski. He steals her bear suit. There is a lot of "filler" material that contributes very little to the plot.

In the ending, he dons the bear suit and mixes in with the other costumed women to go to the big sacrifice ceremony everyone has been talking about. Lo and behold, the missing daughter is tied to the stake, ready to be burned alive. Of course, our hero unties her and runs off into the woods. He puts her down for one second, and she runs away, thus leading him back into the angry mob. She asks, "Did I do a good job, Mommy?"

So...they tie up Nicholas Cage by his feet and hang him in the bottom of an enormous wicker structure, the Wicker Man. Turns out he was lured there to be the sacrifice--"someone who is a stranger, yet connected to us in some way". Then they burn him alive. Ha.

I've read Goosebumps novels with better writing.