Don't Hate the Playa, Hate the Name

An unassuming New Jersey couple ordered a birthday cake for their precious firstborn, only to be met with sheer intolerance and utter disdain. The Greenwich ShopRite store refused to personalize the cake for the 3-year-old boy's party, driving the couple to instead purchase the cake from a local WalMart, who'll do anything to please a customer.

All the Campbell family wanted was a cake marked with the boy's name, "Adolf Hitler". Is that too much to ask? They'd finally backed off previous requests for swastikas, so come on. At this point, can't we all just laugh about it?

The Campbells, whose two other children are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, claim that they wouldn't mind if their little Nazi prince befriends black children later in life. Heath Campbell continued to lie by saying that "several children of mixed race" attended the birthday party, which likely refers to two green-eyed children, a redhead, and a girl whose mother once worked at a 7-Eleven store.

The Campbells, who are obviously motivated in their beliefs by the prospect of creating offspring as attractive as themselves, say that they were raised not to mix with other races, but would "try" to raise their children differently. Also, I'm going to "try" to run a marathon this year.

(By the way, is his mother not the oldest-looking 25-year-old you've ever seen?)