That's What She Said

Sarah Palin is looking remarkably precious tonight. She's wearing her best Strawberry Queen Festival smile, a quarter can of Aqua Net, and--lest it be overlooked--a rhinestone flag pin on her lapel. Ever the thorn in Sarah Palin's side, that witch Katie Couric introduced tonight's coverage. She is likely a plant by the Obama camp.


My live coverage of the debate, in a nutshell:

8:04 Palin drops three big ones, right out of the gate: "hockey mom", "you betcha", and "darn right." Score.

8:08 Biden replies with a snarky reference to the "bridge to nowhere". Zing! Back even.

8:11 Palin uses the phrase "Main Streeters like me".

8:12 Has Biden had an eye lift?

8:15 Palin refers to "East Coast politicians" who apparently oppress energy-producing states like Alaska. You know, the East Coast politicians. The gays.

8:21 Palin is finally asked about energy. She replies by saying that global warming is not really a result of human activity.

8:25 Biden corrects the misinformation that Palin picked up on The 700 Club, namely that global warming is a result of God's anger toward New Orleans.

8:32 Biden is asked if he is in favor of granting benefits to same-sex and heterosexual couples. He replies, "absolutely", while Palin throws up in her mouth. Palin insists that she has "diverse" family and friends, which is true if you count that Eskimo woman who cleans her office.

8:40 Palin is asked about--and dances around the topic of--Iraq. She says it would be a "travesty" to leave now. She does, however, stop short of singing "Bomb Bomb Iran".

8:45 OHHHH NO. She. Didn't. She did. She just said "NUKE-U-LAR". Do we really want 8 more years of "NUKE-U-LAR"?

8:49 Biden asks the million-dollar question: what's so ridiculous about talking to countries with whom we do not have healthy diplomatic ties?

8:51 Palin plays the holocaust card. Really?

8:54 Palin announces that she doesn't think that the Bush administation was a total failure. She is clearly drunk.

9:05 Palin uses terms "maverick" and "Wasilla Main Street" in rapid succession.

9:11 Biden loses one voter (Lowes employee Ray) by mentioning Home Depot.

9:12 Palin uses "say it ain't so, Joe!", "dontcha know?", "God love her", and then sends a "shout-out" to the third graders at Gladdis Elementary School, who apparently earn extra credit for watching the debate. Like they care.

9:14 Palin mentions special needs kids. Trump card!

9:17 Biden names Cheney as the most dangerous VP that the country has ever had. And that's with or without his rifle.

9:18 Palin reminds viewers that Alaska is an energy-producing state. She somehow uses this as a segue to play the special needs card and the soldier son card, one-two.

9:20 Uh oh! Looks like Biden is back in the game. He mentions the death of his wife and daughter. That's sadder.

9:24 Biden professes his love, again, for John McCain. He follows this up with a list of the things that McCain has done wrong, and all the things he doesn't like about him.

9:29 In her closing statements, Palin claims to enjoy the opportunity "to answer these tough questions without the filter of the mainstream media". Somewhere in the audience, Katie Couric wets her pants.