Just Ask ChaCha

ChaCha is a service in which anyone can text a question--about anything at all--to 242 242 (it spells ChaCha on the phone), and it will be received, researched, and answered by a guide working from their home computer. The answer is then sent back to the person via the computer on their cell phone.

I've recently begun working as an online guide for ChaCha, making a paltry 20 cents per question answered and wasting unbelievable amounts of time. I've made $70 over the past several days, making this by far the worst-paying "job" I've ever had. Nevertheless, I keep on keeping on. I have visions a working dishwasher, and I won't be dissuaded. Plus, it makes me feel better about sitting around, playing on the Internet.

Anyway, I think it's addictive because of how funny some of the questions are. (And how stupid, in many cases.) My favorites are questions asking for baseball scores and definitions of relatively simple words, because they are very easy to research and answer. I've also received several questions from kids, asking for advice, such as how to tell if a boy likes you, etc. But here are some of the real kickers:

-Is there a way to talk to your inner demons and guardian angels?
I didn't know where to begin with this one. But it looks like David Berkowitz and/or Andrea Yates has found ChaCha. I think I just made up something vague on this question.

-What's the largest poop ever?
Ha ha ha. He wrote "poop". High-larious. I told this kid that I was not aware we were supposed to be weighing it every time, so there was no way to know.

-Do you think a guy likes you if he wakes you up by kissing you on the cheek? What does that mean?
Well, honey, I hope he likes you, and you like him back. Because we're dealing with one of two things here: 1) he gave you a roofie and "liked" you while you were asleep, or 2) you've gone and given it all up on the first date before even finding out if he likes you, coyness be damned. You'll never get the upper hand now. Either way, uh oh.

-I just hit a cow. What do I do?
I love that in a moment of minor-to-moderate crisis, either this teenaged girl (of course it's a teenaged girl!) or one of her friends (all panicked), said, "Let's ask ChaCha what to do!" This spells a dangerous pattern for humanity, in which major life decisions will be eventually decided by a text message to ChaCha. Butterfly effects will ensue, and that'll be the end of mankind as we know it.