Enter TexasSecession.com. This site details a well-formed plan and set of guidelines through which Texas can go back to being an independent country, and Puerto Rico can finally fully join up in our place.
Austin, likely, will be kicked out of this new country, due to its reputation for being the Satanic Music Capital of the World, the home of Leslie and other such mutants (yes--she has her own Wikipedia page!), the home of the wicked Texas Education Agency and sleazy filmmakers like Sandra Bullock. Round Rock will probably be safe.
The long list of politicians who support secession includes Texas Senate candidate Larry Kilgore. Actually, he's the only one on the list. So the list isn't really long after all.
Here are just a few of the things you can look forward to when Texas seceeds from the doomed United States, and Larry Kilgore becomes king:
- Public education, once unchained from the US Department of Education and the TEA, will become a thing of the past. Larry Kilgore will make sure this happens, because he's going to eliminate the budget for it, thus ending the "government indoctrination of children". Home schooling for everyone. I guess. Or whatever works.
-No more fluffy business: as King of Texas, Larry Kilgore will eliminate health and human services. He bases this on Bible verses that say family members ought to take care of their own, such as widows and the poor. In Texas, there won't be any of this "boo hoo, I can't afford chemo" or "waaaaah, I need insulin" business. (Ah, nevermind, they don't have any of that business in the U.S. now, either.)
-No more prisons. No need for them in Texas.
Question: What's the easiest way to decrease the number of imprisoned?
(Improve education, you might say. Rehabilitation programs to lessen the likelihood of a repeat offense, perhaps.)
Answer: No, and no. A noose and a tree ought to do it. This goes for everything, from murder right down to perjury and lesser offenses.
The prison part was taken from a link on Kilgore's atrociously constructed website to an article by Patrick Johnson. Excerpts will follow in Volume Two, if you simply can't stomach reading it all in one sitting.
Thanks to Darin for the link to THIS jolly story.
5 comments:
Its a good plan I think, but two questions:
So will Austin be an independent city-state or more like Cold War Berlin or until recently Hong Kong, a semi-independent entity supported by an outside power?
And will I be able to get Insulin there?
Ray
I don't know, ask Leslie. He'll be King of Austin, in whatever form it exists.
Insulin, probably not. Take it easy on the candy.
I would just like to set the record straight on one matter you mentioned.
Statement: What you might not know is that it wouldn't matter since 89% of Americans don't even know that that's what the stars stand for, anyway.
Response: FALSE! It is you 11% who don't know what the stars stand for. Everybody know that the 50 stars stands for the number of French that George Washington killed at the Alamo!
You are teaching the young minds of our generation, i would expect more of you Amber. I am saddened by your mistake in the knowledge in this matter.
Thanks, Mr. Schrute.
Thank goodness...I've been waiting for this to happen for a looong time.
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