“They told me you were hot, but nobody told me you’d need a fire extinguisher! Wooooo!” -Jessica
“Nice smile.” -Bachelor Brad Womack to Erin, who’s obviously trying to show off her huge breasts
“Hi, I’m Hillary, a nurse from Philadelphia, so hopefully I can take your vital signs inside and see if your heart pitter-patters for me.” -Hillary, nurse and aspiring boxed Valentine writer
“I think you should take your pants off.” - Mallory, the only person at the party who decided to go swimming
“Mrs. Brown Sugar.” -token black girl Rigina, when asked her name
“Where’s my boob?” -some girl who lost her fake boob pad
“…And somebody lost…uh…a boob.” -Solisa, a Georgetown native who found said fake boob pad on the floor
“You guys are, like, so beautiful, that…you know?” -piss-drunk Melissa to several speechless Bachelorettes
“There’s a yellow rose of Texas…and that’s just what I’m going to do…and no one’s going to miss her…nearly as much as I do.” -piss-drunk Melissa, singing off-key to speechless Bachelor
“Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Guyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” -piss-drink Melissa, singing another impromptu song to completely stunned Bachelor
“She’s telling me she has webbed toes…. And then, she puts them on the table!” -Bachelor, before nearly wetting his pants laughing
“My first thought was…I’m supposed to think this is hot.” -Bachelor, regarding Juli, who put on pants under her evening gown and threw her legs behind her head in the middle of the floor
“And then you can spin me!” -Juli, as she laid on the floor bent up like a paperclip
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